The Appropriate Good-Bye

Babies are born – we celebrate with showers and baptism parties. First Communions, bar-mitzvahs and bat-mitzvahs, quinceaños, confirmations, weddings, anniversaries, and finally deaths are all occasions of celebration. -maybe even especially deaths, for those are times when we can appreciate the expanse of one’s life, and see that life from the perspective of many who were touched by it. I recently attended two ‘celebrations of life’ – so called by the daughter of our friends, both of whom died within 4 months of each other. The first was at Yankee Trace Golf Club, attended by probably over 100 people who were wined and dined as if it were a wedding. The table centerpieces were made up of an assortment of Angie’s (Angelo’s) favorites – favorite candy, sports tickets, computer, jokes, mini Jack Daniel bottles, and I can’t remember what else. His children stood to tell tales of their dad, while waiters poured shots of JD for a final toast. We raised our glasses and downed the Jack Daniels, remembering how he loved that drink and loved a good party. Four months later a smaller crowd gathered at the Greene Wine Loft for a similar event for his wife. There we sat in a large circle, wine in hand, as one by one folks told tales of Wanda, and tales of Wanda and Angie together. We laughed and cried as all again remembered these two dear people. I swallowed my scornful words at the disrespect of such gatherings as they truly were wonderful ways to re-member our non-believing friends. Better people one could not meet: honest, respectable, charitable, fun – just not church-goers. I have been thinking how important funerals are, for they give us a chance to bring closure to a relationship, but more importantly, they give us a chance to take one more peek into someone’s life – to see one more inspiring quality, to hear one more funny anecdote, to learn one more thing about God as reflected in this person, to be touched one more time until eternity when we will revel in each other’s presence once again.