Notes For the Holidays

The times I get the largest number of comments on my blog are the times I write about incidents with my dad. (Nearly all of the comments, by the way, are sent to me directly so they don’t get posted- but please, post them!) People have been able to identify with many of those incidents. With that in mind, I offer this modern-day list of beatitudes, for dealing with the elderly. I heard this on youtube; perhaps you have heard it also. If you have the opportunity, take these into consideration as you gather with family over the holidays:
Blessed are they who understand
my faltering steps and shaking hand.
Blessed are they who know my ears today
must strain to catch the things they say.
Blessed are they who seem to know
that my eyes are dim and my wits are slow.
Blessed are they who looked away
when I spilled the coffee at table today.
Blessed are they with a cheery smile
who take the time to chat for a while.
Blessed are they who know the ways
to bring back memories of yesterdays.
Blessed are they who make it known
that I’m love, respected, and not alone.

May you have a blessed Christmas, remembering that Christ can be born again into this world only if you incarnate him in your own life.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE
AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

What Did You Do?

I was watching a short video the other day by Michael Himes, a priest on the faculty of Boston College, and he was talking about Matthew 25, the last judgment. He began by pointing out that the great medieval cathedrals of Europe almost all have the same depiction above their doors. It is not the nativity, nor the crucifixion, nor the resurrection, nor Jesus teaching, nor any of those pericopes we remember so vividly from scripture, but Matthew 25, the description of the last judgment. Everyone had to pass under that depiction before entering the churches. At the time of the last judgment, according to Matthew 25, Jesus will not ask us how much theology we studied, or how many religious books we read, or how many church services we attended; we will simply be asked one question: how did you treat the least of your brethren? This is the criterion for salvation – what did we do with what we knew. Did our study of scripture or the hours on our knees lead to anything beyond ourselves? -because if not, we have mistaken the message. What did you do for the least of your brethren? How did you reach beyond yourself today to hurting humanity? Do you live a practical piety? It is a deceptively simple criterion, one which makes no distinctions between the most learned and most humble, and yet it is everything. What did you do…what did you do…what did you do for those most in need?
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

Uncoupled

We had a crowd around the table for Thanksgiving – some family, and two couples who were friends. Among the family was my 95-year-old dad, hard of hearing and legally blind. One of the first things he said as he sat at his place was that someone must have laid his watch down and forgotten it. (Dad mistook the napkin ring for a watch.) People laughed and told him what it was. Dad didn’t laugh; he didn’t know one of the couples at the table and was probably embarrassed. I can’t recall that he said another thing throughout the meal. I thought about it later and thought that had it been me, I would have talked with my husband about it later that evening in bed – pillow talk – and shared my embarrassment with him, and he would have told me to forget about it – it didn’t mean anything. The point I’m getting at is that people who are alone, who have lost a spouse and who now walk, perhaps for the first time, uncoupled in the world, have no one with whom to share their secrets. I have thought that often since mom died six years ago, when I thought dad would be about to say something but then didn’t. And now as we come into the most difficult time of year for those who are alone, I think about it again. When you’re alone (and without a BFF!), you have no one with whom to share your secrets – big ones and silly ones, ones bursting for a tell and ones that are plain gossip. There’s just something so wondrous about the companionship of a partner – the intimacy of that relationship – which encourages every manner of sharing. Losing that, if you have ever had it, must be devastating. If you know people who have been recently widowed or divorced, this would probably be a good time of the year to be especially aware of including them. It certainly won’t take away their pain or loneliness, but it may lessen the feeling of emptiness just enough to ease them through the holidays.

The Toll of Living

This Sunday in the Catholic lectionary we meet one of my favorite characters in all of scripture – John the Baptist. He appears in the desert out of nowhere and preaches a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. Author John Shea talks about needing to be cleansed from the “toll of living,” and the appropriateness of the desert as the backdrop for this endeavor. The desert – a place of total quiet, solitude, where one has nothing to distract but oneself. -and what an interesting phrase – to think about one’s toll of living. What is the toll which has been assessed on my life for the compromises I make, for the pride which directs many of my comments and actions, for the greed which drives my desires? How am I misshapen by this toll? And what am I going to do about it? You see the toll is not the transgression – it is how the transgression forms me. Who have I become as a result of the daily decisions I make and the actions I take? And how far away from whom I want to be, am I really? That’s a good meditation as we make our way through the season of preparation.

Greed Trumps Giving?

Are you as angry as I am at the number of stores which are staying open on Thanksgiving Day and getting a head start on black Friday?? Apparently Kmart has been open on Thanksgiving for the last few years (I didn’t know that), but now I hear ads for Sears opening all day on Thanksgiving and Target opening at midnight. I’m fairly certain the malls can’t be far behind. Why can’t this nation allow for one day to set aside commerce and concentrate instead on family and gratitude?? But merchants want to be first in line to grab the Christmas dollars right out of our fists and lead our country even farther afield, away from a sense of gratefulness and family as the center of our lives. We can’t allow this to happen. If you believe as I do, write your newspapers, stay out of the stores, encourage your friends to do the same! We have to protect this sacred day from commercial piracy!
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

Some Book Recommendations

If you are a reader and looking for some inspiring and insightful books, try these:
Lit (by Mary Karr) is a memoir of her early and middle adult years, including her conversion journey. The author is a poet who tells her story with honesty and humility, boldness and humor. I listened to the audio version gotten from the library in which Ms. Karr is the reader and I could almost picture her as I listened to her voice. Another great read is Still Alice by Lisa Genova who holds a PhD in neuroscience from Harvard. This is a fictional account of a Harvard professor who is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, and is written in the first person, as a month-by-month account. Ms. Genova’s professional work is with the National Alzheimer’s Association which gives her realistic insight into the progression of the disease. If you have ever wondered what it must be like to be an Alzheimer’s victim, or how to relate to someone who has been diagnosed, this book will be very helpful. Finally, I recommend Sabbath by Wayne Muller. If you are one of us who feels overcommitted and harried by the demands of life today, wondering how to keep your balance and stave off guilt at the same time, you will benefit from Muller’s observations. There’s a reason for the necessity of rest, of saying no, of retreating to regroup, and it has nothing to do with selfishness. Do yourself a favor and read this book.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

Comments Wanted

Recently in our parish we have been having conversations about the spark that seems to be missing from our community. [Some] People come to Mass and go home, but when we have special events, they’re nowhere. Example: We had a rousing prayer service a few Sunday nights ago, contemporary music, lay preaching, and it was a deanery-wide event. We had about 150 people – from the entire deanery. Last weekend we had a tri-parish Eucharistic procession – about 190 people – from 3 parishes. Yesterday was the life chain and I hear there were 3 people from St. Helen’s. We have just 6 adults in our conversion process- the RCIA. On Sunday mornings we average about 10 people in our adult ed discussion group. Our parish is one of about 1500 families. Where are we going wrong? How do we feed peoples’ hungers? Honestly, we’re knocking ourselves out with work, but the results are modest. We don’t know where we should be going or what we should be offering. I have eliminated the comments section from my blog, because it was used so seldom, but I will reinstate it for this column only. If you have ideas to share with me and our staff, you are also welcome to email me directly. What can a/our faith community do for you that would be helpful?
THE THOUGHTS OFFERED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

The Forgiveness Process

If I were to believe everything I read, I would think that forgiveness –or lack of it –is the number one social issue today. It may be that this is true. We can’t get past an incident and therefore are willing to sacrifice a relationship rather than work through the difficulty. There is a place online called The International Forgiveness Institute (forgiveness-institute.org), located at the Univ of Wisconsin, Madison, that has been studying forgiveness since 1994. It’s a tremendous site and I recommend that you go there and read the research. A couple of things stand out to me: forgiveness is NOT about forgetting. Forgive and forget? -rarely possible. We seem to have a radar for remembering past hurts. But here’s the thing that has been revelatory to me, and it is contained in the process for forgiveness. The process goes something like this: 1/ uncover the incident/hurt 2/ decide to forgive 3/ work to accept the pain 4/ experience healing. So this research says that it is going to hurt, but the hurt must be absorbed somewhere. To give the hurt back is not forgiveness, it’s retaliation. Carry the pain – that’s part of forgiveness. It’s not going to go away, but by carrying it myself I can stop it from further destruction and forgiveness is possible. Much easier said than done. In the Christian context we are bearing some of the pain of the crucifixion – we’re at the foot of the cross instead of running away as we often are. I want to feel better but this process doesn't automatically accomplish that. This follows on the heels of last blog about loving our enemies. Someone said to me that when an olive branch is extended and the other person refuses to cooperate, we’re back at square one. But this is reconciliation, not forgiveness. Forgiveness involves one person; reconciliation involves two. I can’t control anyone but me.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

The Ethic of the Enemy

Last week I attended an interesting workshop with nationally renowned speaker, Dr. Mike Carotta. The presentation was essentially the work of his wife, Dr. Catherine Carotta, in her research on the spirituality of the educator. It was a great morning but there was one piece that especially intrigued me, not so much because it was new information, but because it was information that I knew subconsciously but had never brought to awareness, and it was this: the ethic of the enemy. This refers to the realities present when, in the workplace, social setting, family, etc. one makes enemies. Carotta identifies three ‘benefits’ from that reality: 1/ avoidance of responsibility (there’s now someone to blame for whatever the situation is) 2/ increased bonding with those in agreement (team mentality – security in knowing I am not alone in my thinking) 3/ identity clarification (glad I’m not like that). This struck me because I can see myself in this description, and on both sides of it. I have been the one who has been blamed, isolated, and shunned, and I’m sad to say, I have also been the accuser, the excluder, and the avoider. In fact I can even say it has felt good at times to be on the team. Where is that clear voice of faith in all of this? And I remind myself (and anyone else who may be listening) as I quote this Lucan passage, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6:27-28 What a challenge these words present! -but it's only in heeding these words that bridges are built, community is formed, possibilities have a chance of beconing realities for a better, more unified family, neighborhood, workplace, world. God give us the strength.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF MY EMPLOYER.

Who Are Your Whos?

I recently read something interesting about Dr. Seuss. This may not be new information to many of you, but it was to me. His name was Dr. Theodor Geisel, and following WWII, he went to Japan as a correspondent for Life Magazine. While there, he came to have an appreciation and respect for the Japanese people and their culture, and developed quite a different attitude toward the Japanese than most in the United States at that time. In fact, he wanted to influence those American attitudes which he believed were wrong, and to this end, wrote Horton Hears a Who! In this children’s classic, Horton protects the small and vulnerable Whos of Whoville from the large, powerful animals in the forest, while repeating his refrain, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” In a happily-ever-after ending, all of the animals come to love the teensy Whos and the forest becomes again a peaceful and pleasant place in which to live. I don’t remember reading this particular Dr. Seuss book to my children, but I did read it just last week in our session for those preparing to become Catholic! It fit right in as we discussed Catholic Social Teaching which is grounded in the respect and dignity of each human person, even our enemies. If I had grandchildren, I would read this book to them every chance I had. I would talk about the Whos and help them identify the Whos in their little lives. I would read it to them when they were 3 and when they were 4 and when they were 5. And when they were 8, I would ask them if they knew any Whos, and how they were treating those Whos. -And I would ask them again at 9 and 10 and 14 and 17. I would make a game of it until they so identified their Gram with respect for all humankind that it would be a life lesson that they would always carry, one that would continue teaching them long after my death. Catholic Social Teaching has much to give us; how much better to begin with the very young! For a complete description of the seven principles of Catholic Social Teaching, visit usccb.org, the website for our American bishops' conference.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

The Examined Life

Socrates gave us the great axiom in his Apology 38a: "...the unexamined life is not worth living..." - and yet it seems to me that most of us live just such a life. I have been haphazard at best in critically reviewing my daily goings-on. I might take a stab at it when I celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but up until a couple of months ago, that was the only discipline I applied to such a task. That has changed. I was reading about St. Ignatius of Loyola and his Examen which he made a daily requirement of his priests, and I decided to try it. It has been life-changing on several levels. The Examen consists of 5 steps, and practitioners are encouraged to process through these once or better twice a day: 1/ recall that you are in the presence of God 2/ look at the day with gratitude 3/ ask for the guidance of the Spirit 4/ review the day, looking for places where God may have been communicating with you; begin with the morning (or when you last did this) up until where you are at this point in the day 5/ reconcile and resolve to make changes where necessary; speak to God openly about what you have reviewed. You may end with Lord’s Prayer. This process can take as few as 10-15 minutes, or much longer, depending on one’s availability. The greatest gift of this process for me, at least at this point, is to slow down my life – recognizing that every single day is a gift to be opened, and being grateful for this gift. I ask myself at night what I did with this gift – did I waste it or move forward with it. It used to be that life just went on, with my thinking about what I had to do in the coming week, or a project due in a month or two, or whatever. But now I have come to appreciate the gift of today, and to treat it with all of the awe and respect which it deserves. Ignatius was on to something here. See what you think.
[For a more complete explanatian of the Examen, go to: http://norprov.org/spirituality/ignatianprayer.htm]
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

From Gratitude to Greed

We heard in Sunday’s gospel about the dangers of greed – of storing up wealth to deceive oneself into a false sense of security. Greed is a tricky business; it seems like the password for today’s culture – especially in the USA. It’s hard to live in our neighborhoods and work in our offices without looking left and right once in a while. I had an occasion to experience first-hand how greed can creep into our vocabulary, almost unobserved. I hate to bring this up yet again, but yes, we were on vacation a few years ago on a cruise ship. After dinner we strolled into the casino, each with a fistful of quarters. I spotted the Wheel-of-Fortune slot and made a dash toward it. The best part about that machine is that when you get the wheel icon, you get to spin for how much you’ll win. It can probably go up to a hundred or two, maybe more. After a few frustrating minutes I got three ducks – disappointment – no wheel icon. But then the bell and light started going off and I was just kind of stunned into wondering what this was all about. Pretty soon a crowd had gathered around me and I saw the ticker counting up how many quarters I had won. Ohmygosh…it was up past two hundred! That’s what – 50, 75 dollars I am thinking? But it just kept going – 300, 400, 500 700, 1000 quarters. Whoa – that’s $250!! But it kept going! My son was one who had gathered and said to me that he thought I might have won the jackpot – whatever that was. By now my eyes were wide open and watching the ticker go – now past 2,000 quarters! My heart was racing; I was in this thing now! Keep going – keep going I’m thinking! And then it got to 3,000 quarters!!! – and then it STOPPED!! I was DEVASTATED!! Stopped!! How could you STOP you crazy ticker?! More more MORE I’m thinking…wow…$50 seemed exciting at first and now $750 was a disappointment. Greed is seductive; I have never forgotten that lesson. In talking about living with less, James Martin describes the “surprising freedom of downward mobility.” But that’s another blog.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG ARE MINE ALONE AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER.

Affirmation

I just returned from a beach vacation where I luxuriated in reading 6 books. The most memorable was Tattoos on the Heart, a Jesuit priest’s experiences in working with the gangs of Los Angeles. Fr. Greg Boyle relates one remarkable story about gratitude, from his early days as a priest. Shortly after his ordination he was assigned to a small village in Bolivia where he was to learn Spanish along with his priestly duties. One day a lay worker asked him to go up to a Quechuan mountain village where they had not had Mass for over a decade. He was to say Mass in Spanish; laypeople would do the readings and deliver the homily in Quechuan. Partway up the mountain he discovered that he had forgotten his missal, and was too new at being a priest to be able to say the Mass from memory. He frantically began looking through his Spanish dictionary for the words of consecration, and wrote them on a slip of paper. When it came to his part of the Mass, he panicked and just kept holding up the bread and wine, repeating, poorly, those written words. He writes that it would be hard to imagine a Mass going worse, and he felt like the most miserable priest who had ever walked the earth! By the time he was set to leave he found that his ride down the mountain had already gone, and he was left with his backpack to make his own long way home on foot. Then a campesino, an old, wrinkled Quechuan, short of stature, poorly clothed and with brown, leathery skin, came to him and said in Spanish, “Thank you for coming.” And Fr. Greg writes, “Before I can speak, the old campesino reaches into the pockets of his coat and retrieves two fistfuls of multicolored rose petals. He’s on the tip of his toes and gestures that I might assist with the inclination of my head. And so he drops the petals over my head, and I am without words. He digs into his pockets again and manages two more fistfuls of petals. He does this again and again, and the store of red, pink and yellow rose petals seems infinite. I just stand there and let him do this, staring at my own huaraches, now moistened with my tears, covered with rose petals. Finally he takes his leave and I am left there alone, with only the bright aroma of roses…The God, who is greater than God, has only one thing on Her mind, and that is to drop, endlessly, rose petals on our heads. Behold the One who can’t take His eyes off of you.” Talk about affirmation! This is a God who loves us beyond our ability to imagine, and who brings people into our lives to remind us of that every day. Be that reminder for someone in your life.

Salute to Joy

My husband and I were recently on vacation in Florida. We went out to dinner one evening and among the primarily younger couples was a couple, probably in their
80's, sitting close to us. They had their heads bent toward each other conspiratorially, laughing and touching each other's arm occasionally, a glass of wine in front of each of their plates. I was totally captivated by the scene, both because of their age and their obvious enjoyment in each other. As they passed by our table on their way out, I told them that it was a delight to see them having such fun and they told us they were newlyweds - just been married 6 months! Her husband had died from a heart attack; he had lost 2 wives to cancer and one to a heart attack. When I told them we were celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary, the gentleman said, "I can't imagine being married to the same woman for 40 years!" I don't know why I found it important to write about this, but I keep seeing in my mind's eye the joy that this couple expressed. I think we're meant to be joyful people, and I think experiencing joy in the presence of another is truly an experience of God.

Makhloket

An interesting bit of information from the article, “Religion Needs Atheism”, is that Rabbis of old regarded the highest form of discourse as Makhloket, or disagreement. In this form, participants recognize their own limits and then proceed to clarify their positions as best they can. “When we sustain the tension between us, each pulling our own way, we create emptiness between us. In this emptiness…God creates…In the presence of one another, in the moment when our positions of clarity are matched with humility, the possibility of a truly new idea emerges, a solution, a way forward.” (This immediately puts me in mind of Cardinal Bernardin’s Common Ground Project.) It seems to me though that too often we’re missing that most crucial ingredient: humility. I am trying to recreate in my mind some of my recent ‘stand-offs’; I have to admit that I don’t always bring humility into the equation and hold, somewhat tenuously but with fierce pride, my own positions. But this visual description of makhloket makes tremendous sense – opening a space for God to enter in and create a new way – a way that unites rather than divides. Obviously there are situations in which there’s no room for compromise, but there are plenty of places in my life where that would have been just the right approach.
The views expressed in this blog are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.

Cape May Caper

When you were younger you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. John 21:18
I just had occasion to spend a few days with my 94-year-old dad at his seashore home in Cape May, New Jersey. The two of us went there for our own vacation. At 94, dad doesn’t really get vacations, but he remembers the ones he used to take, and the fun he and mom and all of the family had in Cape May over the last 35 years. As his health is failing, I thought this might be the last opportunity for him to get there, and so we drove the 11 hours each way. He sleeps all day long in his chair at home, but he didn’t even close his eyes during the car rides; he was more like a child on a big adventure. Once there, dad wanted to do everything. He knew he could walk the 6 blocks to the beach, but I talked him out of that and we drove instead. After carrying all of the equipment – umbrella, two chairs, beach bag, beach tags, towels – and dad on my arm, we got as far as the edge of the sand. I set up one of the chairs and sat him down while I went out, set up the umbrella, the other chair, paraphernalia, and went back for dad. He only made it about 10 feet onto the sand when he gave up; the footing wasn’t secure enough for him. Another day we tried going to the shops in town. He was sure he could sit in the shade while I moseyed around, but the bench was too hard and the heat was too high; that lasted about 15 minutes. He thought one night we should go bar hopping! Thinking about the logistics of this, I convinced him that a trip to the Rusty Nail might be just the thing; we could park right in front and sit in there for a beer. It was magic; don’t you know there were lots of people but we got lucky enough to sit facing a big screen TV and the Reds were playing the Phillies – and the Reds were killing them! A couple of trips to the Dry Dock for ice cream and the Lobster House for clams rounded out our 3 days. As we were leaving, I had dad look into my camera as he was closing the door on his condo – the end of an era, I thought to myself.
The quote from John’s gospel above is a prediction of the death of Peter, but as I watch my dad grow older and feebler, I think it is a reference to us all. In our minds we’re still young and able, but bit by bit we become more dependent on other, and come to realize that our entire life has been totally dependent on Other.
The views expressed on this blog are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.

Champaign Memories

This Thursday, June 24, we celebrate the birth of John the Baptist. Permit me to roll back my personal calendar to 1968 and share some poignant memories. I was between my junior and senior years at University of Dayton, and involved in The Conference on Inter-American Student Projects. That summer, 11 of us had traveled to the tiny village of Lerdo de Tejada, Mexico, on a missionary trip. We each lived with a local family, and mine was extremely poor; I slept on a narrow cot covered with a mosquito net, we had no indoor plumbing, ants crawled across our plates as we sat on hard wooden benches to eat our tortillas, and pigs and chickens roamed through the kitchen and into the sitting room and out again during the heat of the day. My family and I began to bond after a fashion, but I was terribly homesick and miserable with Montezuma’s revenge. June 24th approached and they began to talk about a party in honor of my birthday – wasn’t I born in March?? – but the Mexican custom was to name the baby for the saint on whose feast s/he was born, and no matter how I objected, I had to have been born on the feast of John the Baptist given my name of Joan! They gathered all of the “gringos” on that day, and filled our tiny house with music, a very lopsided cake, and – how did they get this?? – a bottle of champaign! That was the day that my Mexican family really came into my heart, and it was on that day that I adopted John the Baptist as my patron, and fittingly so. I didn’t know at the time that my life’s work would be in the Church, and that my job would be to get out of the way and point to Jesus. Patrons can be powerful superheroes in our lives, continually encouraging us in the right direction, cheering us on, being constant reminders of how a saint lives, and calling us to that path. If you have not taken seriously the call of your patron, or have forgotten the saint you chose at your confirmation, chose one now! Read My Life With the Saints and get in touch with the power of witness.
[The views expressed in this blog are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.]

Who's Watching the Till?

I just finished reading an article from NCR on making ethical business decisions, and it spoke to me about the many opportunities to do otherwise in the workplace. A friend of mine recently changed jobs and shared me with some of the inner issues at her former company related to her leaving - issues of sidelining certain employees because of jealousy, fear, and self-interest; -issues of maintaining the “inner circle”, issues of control, subtle ways to frustrate forward-thinking contributions of some rather than upset the delicate balance favorable to a few. Evil – pure evil centered on getting ahead at any cost, climbing that corporate ladder no matter whose fingers are being hammered in the process. Watching the nightly news confirms that unethical behavior is not confined to corporate America either. There’s so much guidance out there in making good, ethical decisions: James Martin dedicates a chapter in his book, The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything to this topic, and the Greenwich Leadership Forum is a resource for Connecticut businesspeople concerned with such. But more simply, David Miller of Princeton University and leader of GLF begins his breakfast meetings by holding up a bible with a copy of the Wall Street Journal tucked inside. Could there be a better visual? Ethical decisions are part of our every day, whether we realize it or not. Hopefully they’re dispatched so automatically that we don’t even consider them; we form ourselves into ethical people. I begin several days each week with morning Mass, and one of my constant prayers is that my two sons, both of whom own their own businesses, make good ethical decisions. And going back to that visual, would you love to see our preachers every weekend begin their homilies by holding up a bibile with the daily newspaper tucked inside?

Family Ties

An interesting fact which I came across in the book, Confessions of a Mega-Church Pastor: there are 33,000 sects of Christianity in the world! Take it in – 33,000!!! In my time, I knew of one church which had been begun by an acquaintance and her spouse, when they no longer agreed with their pastor. And now I know of another woman who has been telling me about searching the web for an appropriate name for the church she and some of her friends are going to start because, again, they think their pastor has gone too far afield. Neither of these churches is Catholic. Wherever in the world we have wandered, be it someplace in the US or on some Caribbean Island, whether the Mass is in English or Spanish, we know what’s going on. There’s ritual, there’s an expectant rhythm; we are comfortable with the prayer and know that there’s unity of belief in the Eucharist. This morning I went to the prayer site, Pray As You Go, a Jesuit site from England. The reflection was on the beatitudes, the gospel from today’s morning Mass which I had just heard read by Fr. Dave in Dayton Ohio, shortly before. Ours is one big Church, with lots of room for disagreement and lots of opinions as well. There are many ways of praying, and lots of wrestling with Church positions. But we are a family, arguments aplenty and baggage in tow; we’re not abandoning ship and we’re certainly not starting our own churches – at least for the most part. We are catholic, in the best sense of the word – open to all. ‘Here comes everyone,’ as the saying goes. And I’m proud to be part of this.

The Appropriate Good-Bye

Babies are born – we celebrate with showers and baptism parties. First Communions, bar-mitzvahs and bat-mitzvahs, quinceaños, confirmations, weddings, anniversaries, and finally deaths are all occasions of celebration. -maybe even especially deaths, for those are times when we can appreciate the expanse of one’s life, and see that life from the perspective of many who were touched by it. I recently attended two ‘celebrations of life’ – so called by the daughter of our friends, both of whom died within 4 months of each other. The first was at Yankee Trace Golf Club, attended by probably over 100 people who were wined and dined as if it were a wedding. The table centerpieces were made up of an assortment of Angie’s (Angelo’s) favorites – favorite candy, sports tickets, computer, jokes, mini Jack Daniel bottles, and I can’t remember what else. His children stood to tell tales of their dad, while waiters poured shots of JD for a final toast. We raised our glasses and downed the Jack Daniels, remembering how he loved that drink and loved a good party. Four months later a smaller crowd gathered at the Greene Wine Loft for a similar event for his wife. There we sat in a large circle, wine in hand, as one by one folks told tales of Wanda, and tales of Wanda and Angie together. We laughed and cried as all again remembered these two dear people. I swallowed my scornful words at the disrespect of such gatherings as they truly were wonderful ways to re-member our non-believing friends. Better people one could not meet: honest, respectable, charitable, fun – just not church-goers. I have been thinking how important funerals are, for they give us a chance to bring closure to a relationship, but more importantly, they give us a chance to take one more peek into someone’s life – to see one more inspiring quality, to hear one more funny anecdote, to learn one more thing about God as reflected in this person, to be touched one more time until eternity when we will revel in each other’s presence once again.

Mixing It Up

I just finished reading an interview with Oblate Missionary and seminary president Fr. Ronald Rolheiser. Rolheiser, as many of you know, has written some wonderful books on what really is going on in our culture and what are the deepest longings of the human heart. In this interview he was asked how he gets ideas for what he writes, and his answer is so interesting: he says he is always reading several different kinds of books at once (novels, history, spiritual, etc) and tries to find a common thread among them and explore that. Great idea. Right now I am reading Little Bee, Confessions of a Mega-Church Pastor, The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, and The Faith Club. It seems fairly obvious to me that the thread among these books is “making good decisions.” Wow – and on the heels of Pentecost! Do we truly believe in the fire of the presence of God’s Holy Spirit, and how much do we truly rely on her to inform our decisions? Yesterday a young man came to our rectory door and asked if he could be allowed into the church. (It was after hours and everything was locked.) As I took him over, he explained to me that he had to make a big decision at work and needed to sit before the Blessed Sacrament. Making a godly decision, one inspired, was critical for him. I’d like to say that all of my decisions are made with such deliberation; I‘d like to say that, but I still have some work to do. I’m anxious to get back to The Jesuit Guide…to see what Martin has to say about decision-making, and to finish Little Bee to discover how Sarah’s resolve plays out. Mixing it up – trying to see the crossroads of faith and culture. What can that say to us as Catholic Christians?

Thank God for the Resurrection!

Is our Dayton, Ohio weather getting to you about now? -May day after May day of rain and cold and gloom? My daily mantra: this weather has got to be the reason for my bad humor of late. But THANK GOD FOR THE RESURRECTION! -that belief in Christianity that, in the end, all will be well. I used to think that the resurrection was contained in the belief in Jesus’ emerging from the tomb, and someday I too would have life everlasting after a long and glorious time here on earth. But I have come to see that my days are filled with deaths and disappointments, large and small, followed by life and joy, still large and small. The paschal mystery is lived out in the cycle and rhythm of all of life, and we lay it on the altar every Sunday, infusing it with deeper belief and surer hope. To live a life embedded with this kind of faith is a gift, and it only takes spending time with someone who has not received the gift to fall on one’s knees with gratitude. So today I pray: thank you God for this rain and gloom, because it’s good for the earth and I know that sunshine will follow!! Amen!

Advocate of Wisdom

In the second reading for this coming Sunday, the day on which we celebrate the Ascension, the author of Ephesians prays that “God may give you a Spirit of Wisdom and revelation resulting in knowledge of him.” In last Sunday's Gospel we heard "the Advocate...will teach you everything..." The Spirit, the Advocate, has been mentioned repeatedly in the past weeks, both during the week and at Sunday Mass – the Advocate – the Spirit who advocates for the Father and reveals God’s wisdom to us, if only we receive and act upon it. Recently I had an opportunity to observe someone hearing and acting on the wisdom of the Advocate. It was an elderly gentleman, tenderly urging his wife along a sidewalk. She was an Alzheimer’s victim, with all of the manifestations of that debilitating disease. She had trouble putting one foot in front of the other, trouble allowing him to urge her on. And yet he continued to smile and cajole, continued in his kindness and patience, continued to move her forward even as she resisted, continued to hear the Advocate reveal God’s wisdom to him. He continued to see in the feeble body of his life’s companion, the image of Christ, and with every part of his actions and words, he loved her.

May we be so convicted in the Word that Wisdom is our anchor and our path as we make decisions and move through the challenges and chaos our own lives.

The Unanswerable Why

One of my tasks every Monday morning is to compile the Prayer Requests and send it out to all on our parish prayer chain. Dealing with all of the tragedy each week is humbling. Our cancer list keeps growing – just yesterday two parishioners called to report this diagnosis and asked to be placed on the list – one parishioner called to report that her friend lost her 16-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son in an auto accident; others call with an assortment of requests, all placing their faith and trust in our mysterious God. And we ask why…and we ask why…and there is no answer. And others laugh – laugh at this faith that instructs us to “ask, seek, knock…” (Matt 7:7) Experiencing the cross can have 2 effects: it may challenge our faith, or it may strengthen us to depend even more fully on the goodness of God, experienced through prayer, and through the body of Christ – the kindness and generosity of our friends and faith community. May you be one for whom the disruptions of life prove to be fertile ground for an explosion of growth of our most precious and vulnerable faith. And may you be a witness of this for all who need strong friends to carry them when their own faith falters.

It's Hard to Be a Sheep

Last Sunday we heard another of the Gospels which talks about sheep – the sheep knows the shepherd’s voice and follows him. We are the sheep; Jesus is the Good Shepherd.

Try this: open your bible to psalm 23, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want,” and measure yourself against that first verse. It’s hard!! If the Lord is my shepherd, I hear only his voice, I follow only him. I don’t crumble under the pressure of office gossip; I don’t avoid answering the phone when my caller ID tells me it’s a needy friend; I don’t grumble at my spouse when s/he has an unwanted suggestion; I don’t turn on the TV to amuse my child instead of giving myself to him or her. I don’t shut out an elderly friend or relative in order to preserve some of my own time. Well, you get the idea. The “I don’ts” could go on forever, but the “I do’s” are a little thin. Still, The Lord is my Shepherd slides off of my tongue.

The challenge: close out one entire day by praying verse one of psalm 23…can you do it with integrity?

May I, and all of us, truly learn to discern the voice of our Shepherd in our own lives, and to have the fortitude to truly follow.

Companionship

One of the questions we get in RCIA all of the time is “Why do Catholics pray to the saints?” It’s a good question, and one indeed that probably many Catholics themselves could not answer. In fact, in the early Church, James Martin tells us, they did not relate to saints by asking for their intercession as we do today, but rather in a “companionship model”, where the saints were their friends, those who had struggled with many of the things with which the early community struggled, and they walked with them in their struggles as companions. We know today that saints were very real people with very real and similar problems to our own. For example, Dorothy Day had an abortion; Thomas Merton fathered a child out of wedlock; Francis of Assisi had a wild and wealthy lifestyle in his youth; Mother Teresa had doubts about her faith. Is there a place for us to befriend these people who overcame their missteps and moved on the path to God? They have shown us their own weaknesses, and in that, have taught us that these weaknesses do not lessen God’s love for us, but may strengthen our resolve to find our own paths to God in spite of this sinfulness. For a good treatment of saints and their power to inspire us today, pick up a copy of James Martin’s bestseller, My Life With the Saints. In this, Fr. Martin not only tells about the lives of these and other saints, but how their lives have had power in his own. It’s a good read, and one that may further your own spiritual life.

Spreadin' the Faith

I was told recently by someone who works at the chancery that whenever the archbishop comes by his office he asks the archbishop "Are you keepin' the faith?" to which the archbishop answers, "No, I'm not keepin' the faith; I'm spreadin' the faith!" -which is exactly what the gospel instructs us to do. It's why we will have our second Invite/Come and See effort in May and June, and why we now have Awakening Faith on Saturday morning. What an experience! People with all kinds of backgrounds have joined us for this, searching for ways to invite God into their lives or into the lives of those they love. Last week our topic was Jesus, and we had a soul-stirring conversation about faithfulness - the example of Jesus which led him to the cross and leads us on occasion to our own crosses.

One thing which has become very clear to me already in the two sessions we have had is that faith, as we were always taught, truly is a gift. And it's a gift which we may not treasure until we talk with someone who does not have it. Receive the gift of faith....receive the gift...receive. If your faith is weak, pray with Mark's gospel (Mk 9:24) "I do believe, help my unbelief!" and receive the pearl of great price: faith.

Still They Are Children

This past Saturday night's Easter Vigil saw eight people baptized in our church, 4 of them adults. As one of the catechists responsible for the formation of the adults, I thrilled as each plunged into the waters and emerged dripping wet and wearing the smiles of children on an amusement ride - totally focussed and not wanting the experience to end. I've been riding that high for the past few days, and thinking now about our responsibility as the particular community which received them into this vast Catholic Church. Where are those who preceded them in years past? Some of course are still on track, but others we don't see. Which is the missing piece in this story, the piece that holds the why of that reality? I don't want that to happen again; I want to hold tightly to these fragile new Catholics. And I realize that it is the responsibility of the community, the entire community, to make that happen. I want to bring these neophytes to meetings and gatherings and parish social events and thrust them in among us to be surrounded by friendship and support and a shared faith in the risen Christ. I want them carried until their wobbly Catholic legs can stand on their own and these precious new ones can extend welcoming smiles to our future neophytes. In other words, I want them present and visible forever! I implore you, Risen Lord, grace this community with the blessing of receiving our neophytes into full social as well as spiritual communion with us!

An Authboigraphy in 5 Chapters

Those of you following the A-cycle readings on this upcoming scrutiny Sunday will hear the story of the man born blind whom Jesus cures. Richard Fragomeni connects this story to a 5-chapter autobiography going around the internet a few yearas ago. It goes like this:
Chapter 1: I walk down the street; there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I'm lost, helpless. It's not my fault. It takes me forever to find my way out.
Chapter 2: I walk down the street; there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place, but it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3: I walk down the same street; there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in anyway; it is a habit but my eyes are opened and I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter 4: I walk down the same street; there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter 5: I walk down a different street.
The good news of this gospel is that we can examine our lives and identify our blindnesses; we can choose to walk down a different street, one well-lit by the blinding light of Jesus.

Dip and Dye

Richard Fragomeni tells a compelling story on one of his videos in regard to the upcoming gospel – The Woman at the Well. You see this Samaritan woman was drawn into conversation with Jesus as she came to draw water at about noon. Jesus engaged her when he asked for a cup of water. The story develops from being about H2O to living water, eternal life, which has the power to change us. He says that a mother had gone to the store and bought a Paas egg coloring kit. When she dissolved the tablets into the cups of boiling water, the colors became vibrant in the cups. Her child then dipped his egg into a bright purple cup and was excited to see the color transferred to the egg when he pulled it out. But as the egg dried, the color faded to a less-than-vibrant shade. That’s when his mother told him to “dip and dye, dip and dye”…that it takes many dips to achieve that vibrancy. As we approach the Easter sacraments, our elect too will be “dipped” into the water of Baptism, and will reflect that glow as they revel in the joy of the sacrament, and wear the white robe for the remainder of the evening. But the glow may fade as they (and we) face the challenges of life, and need to continually be “dipped” into reminders of our baptism – as we come into church and dip our fingers into the font, as we renew our baptismal promises, as we pray for courage to live them out. We could call this process dip and die – as we wrestle to die to ourselves and live for Christ. May the 7 baptisms that we will celebrate this Easter Vigil embolden you to recommit yourselves to, as St. Paul reminds us, “stand firm in the Lord.”

Another Word About Lent

If you buy the last post, that we can use this season to observe the wonderful working of God in our lives, then let me again enumerate the many ways we have available here at St. Helen to avail ourselves to God’s workings. Centerpiece: the parish mini retreat - Burn In Me, March 13 from 9-1. Father Satish will be the instrument of God in leading us to open ourselves to that fire of God’s presence in our lives. If someone said to you,

How do you experience the presence of God in your life?

Could you answer? But our Catholic faith tells us that God is active in us at every moment. Can we name the presence? By our acknowledgment, do we give that presence power to change us? This retreat is meant to help heighten our awareness of God’s constant interaction, constant beckoning, in our lives. Additionally: the Soup and Bread Suppers, Stations of the Cross, Penance Services, Evensong, Jubilee Singers, Black Books, Daily Mass, Scrutinies, Eucharistic Adoration. The toolbox is full; use the season well

Lent - Again??

Lent has never been a favorite season of mine; in fact, I dread Lent! What's so great about fasting and abstaining anyway?? I just can't wait to get to the end - that's been my one and only goal. I've done a lot of naval gazing when it came to Lent, groaning and gasping, but I have a new perspective this year. I'm refocusing on what God may do in me, rather than what I'm doing for God, and I already feel lighter - I already feel some sense of anticipation. I've been sensible in my resolutions, having decided the why of each. There's purpose in this. Hopefully, there will be spiritual growth in this. For all of you who have always appreciated the six weeks beyond the display of ashes, I applaud you for getting Lent. But if you've been a dreader like I, maybe this year we both can finally rejoice in the gracious mercy of a loving God, and properly refocus this Lenten desert experience.

I’ve had some time to read in the past few weeks and have found some interesting titles: The Help (Kathryn Stockett), Let the Great World Spin (Colum McCann), Push (Sapphire). All three books centered on the very different stories of their characters – black maids in the 60’s South, prostitutes, a religious social activist, a judge and his grieving Upper East Side society wife, a socially and sexually abused teen. I was so intrigued by the very different lives into which these stories invited me, by the personally foreign manifestations of God which I encountered. I began to wonder at how much lost opportunity there is in my life to know the living God more fully through people all about me – family, coworkers, neighbors, parishioners. If only there were comfortable places to share such intimacies without dis-ease. The dance of life continues all around us – God’s interaction with humankind. May I, may we, be so attuned to the presence of God in the story of other that we allow time and space for its unfolding.

Beloved

Last Sunday we celebrated the last feast of the Christmas season, the Baptism of the Lord. We hear about this baptism every year as we close the season, whether we are reading from the gospel of Matthew, Mark or Luke, and each of these gospels closes with the same line: "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased." It's amazing to me, then, that in all of my years of listening, I have never appreciated what John Shea (The Spiritual Wisdom of the Gospels for Christian Preachers and Teachers) has pointed out, that these very words are said to each of us at our baptism as well! This is God's sacramental affirmation of us, conveyed in such words as 'welcomes, anoints, clothes, Christian dignity' etc. We know, from our very inception, that we are beloved, but as with every other sacrament, the words are precious and priceless. Even with faith, though, we sometimes fall into disbelief of our belovedness. We fail to be able to forgive ourselves for certan actions or faults, and live as less - less aware of who we are in God's eyes, less grateful for God's amazing gifts to us, less aware of our ability to respond by releasing ourselves from this self-centered paralysis. May you today experience yourself as the beloved of God, and be as gentle with yourself as God is. And if this is a struggle, may you fall on your knees and pray as we read in Mark 9: "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."

Nurturing Faith

So a new year begins, and one of my responsibilities in my parish job is adult faith formation. Wow...we've tried a lot of things: we have had scores of speakers over the years, we've had dinners, we've had hands-on experiences, we've had full catechetical courses. But my focus right now is on forming small faith groups, and we're calling this process, Faith Talk. Most of these groups meet in homes and cover a wide variety of topics: some study the Sunday readings, some are doing bible studies, some are studying the US Catholic Catechism for Adults, one is doing a book study, one is studying the sacraments. But no matter the direction, they have this in common: they are good Catholic folks getting comfortable with sharing faith. Did they all know each other before they began? -definitely not! But this faith sharing has bonded them in deeper ways than they would have imagined. They are able to grapple with the deeper issues of life, in a safe environment and are finding that theirs are common questions. Faith is becoming a lived, shared experience; it is becoming very real indeed. I encourage anyone who is serious about letting faith get into your bones and inform your everyday decisions to get into a Faith Talk group. If you don't know how, call your local parish for help in finding one.